By
·
2 minute read
One of the key tenets from the book “How to talk…” (HTT for short) is keeping conversation with your child open. It means respecting they have a point of view, they have ideas that can help them solve problems, and that you accept their feelings are real.
For example, when my son was younger he told me “I’m scared of the monsters under my bed.” Before I’d read the book, I would have said: “Don’t be silly darling, monsters don’t exist.”
Now, I’d say: “Gosh, that sounds scary! I would be scared too if monsters were under my bed. What do you think we could do to make sure they stay away tonight?” I’d pause, and wait for a suggestion from my son, say, “We could put Flam there to scare them away?” “That’s a great idea. Let’s find Flam the toy dragon [pictured above] and scare the monsters away together.”
You can see how that different approach validates his perspective and gives him ownership in a solution he has proposed. I have helped him get to a solution that works for him, and I will support him to put it in place.
What about if it’s your client? I’m not suggesting you approach a client meeting in the same way as a conversation with a scared child. But, if you’re in a meeting and a client is expressing concerns, as solutions providers we can often jump straight to:
1. dismissing the concern by saying “Don’t worry, we’ve got it all under control,” or
2. producing a solution before we’ve had a chance to explore it together (“I see. The escalation protocol we put in place means we’ll be able to spot this before it gets too bad.”)
What about if you apply the approach from HTT?
Client: I’m worried about hitting this milestone… [resist the natural urge to jump in here] …We’ve had lots of trouble with the developers over-promising and there are so many dependencies that need to line up exactly, we’re running out of time.
Me: “I can see why that would be worrying. Tell me more about what has happened with the developers in the past. Is there anything else you think we need that would help?”
Client: “… We have the escalation protocol but I’m not sure it’s always used properly at the junior end – instead of raising something the dev team will try repeatedly to fix it themselves or work around the problem and time slips away.”
Me: [resists urge to jump in again]
Client: “If we add a question to the status update to check whether they are trying to fix something that they’d otherwise escalate, it might give us a chance to nip those problems in the bud.”
Me: “Great, so we can add a process in the status update to give space to raise niggles that they’re working around. That should highlight things earlier in case we can help elsewhere in the programme team. How can we make sure you get comfort about this?”
Client: “I think reporting on specific potential issues that have been resolved or that have been raised earlier will keep me and my team aware that things are on track. And, if there is a risk that we still won’t get there, mitigations to minimise the impacts can be implemented in good time.”
Open and respectful communication is not only valuable in our personal relationships but also in our professional interactions.
By acknowledging and validating the concerns and perspectives of others, we can foster a collaborative environment that promotes problem-solving and effective solutions. Just as we would approach a conversation with a scared child, we can apply the principles from "How to talk…" to our client meetings, allowing for a deeper understanding of their concerns and uncovering potential solutions together.
So, let us strive to engage in open conversations, actively listen, and empower others to contribute their ideas and suggestions. By doing so, we can create stronger relationships and achieve better outcomes in both our personal and professional lives.